All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
