I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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