chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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