I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
