he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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