let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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