So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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