I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
