there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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