You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
