so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
