I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
