I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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