I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
