no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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