I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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