i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
