I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
