Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
