he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
