Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
