is wine microwaveable?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
