So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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