Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
