is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
