my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
