I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
