Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
