Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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