My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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