he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
