I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
