All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
