I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
