hotel room ftw
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
