I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
