he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
