Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
