Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
