Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
