dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
