I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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