Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
