Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
