this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
