Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
tell me about the eggs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
