rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
