I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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