Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
