goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
