He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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