I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
