Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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