We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He has the fingertips of a God
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
